The Immediate Murder Professionals (Helluva Boss Fanfiction) - Chapter 2 - IAintGotIdeas (2024)

Chapter Text

Moxxie hung the once green biohazard suit covered with blood on the rack and walked out of the “workshop” room with a bag of body parts.

He walked over to the corridor of the headquarters, where Blitzo, Loona, and Millie all sat by the door. They all stood up and looked at Moxxie.

“Okay, everybody, the cutting has been done. We’ll ship it out to the client. It’ll be there before the blood moon even arrives.”

Loona scratched her head. “And this is the contract we’ve started with? What about the overlords? Shouldn’t we get theirs done first?”

Blitzo chuckled. “Oh, Loonie.” He wrapped his arm around her, causing the hellhound to growl in her animalistic manner. “We had to get the easy ones out of the way. You see, these overlord contracts are nothing to be excited about. They are excruciating, traumatizing, and a huge pain in the ass for all of us. You should be grateful that we are taking our time before the inevitable, because it will most likely be the last days of our lives if we f*ck it up…”

He got very dark in the end. Everybody froze in shock, including Loona.

Blitzo giggled. “Hehe, I’m just f*cking around! But seriously, relish the time we have with these contracts. We gotta stick together for sure this time.”

He glanced over to Moxxie, smirked, and raised his eyebrows.

The weapons specialist was not pleased by the reference from his boss. He crossed his arms and looked into the distance, avoiding eye contact with Blitzo.

“Don’t even start.”
———
The four murderers jumped out of the portal and landed in their next destination. A rainstorm pouring on grassy jungle with a...log cabin?” The cabin was warmly lit, and brought some beauty to the environment. There were two torches hung next to a grandiose brown plated door with golden carvings.

Millie stepped up and took a good look at the porch. There was a couple of gnomes and a rocking chair. She walked up the steps and over to the chair. Being the playful maniac that she is, the imp sat herself down and rocked herself steadily, crossing one leg over the other and putting her hands behind her head, sticking her tongue out.

All of a sudden, there was a shout coming from the curtain-covered window.

“You could have just asked for the chair, y’know.”

Millie gasped, jumped off the chair, and landed on her feet after she pulled out her axe in mid air. Blitzo and Moxxie swiftly pulled out their weapons; pocket knife and a cutlass, while Loona looked up from her phone. Millie turned around and saw an elderly bearded man with thick glasses a quiff hairstyle. He had his robe on, and had a cup of coffee on one hand. Suddenly, he pulled out the curtains, came over to the door, and unlocked it.

The man entered outside, and seemed unphased by the assassins.

He sighed and fixed his glasses.

“Looks like my time has come.” He put down the mug on top of the window frame and walked over. “Before I die, I would like to invite you all in, if you have the time.”

Blitzo put down his pocket knife in disbelief, and looked at Loona. She shrugged. He focused to Moxxie. He sputtered and pointed at the man.

“Come on, sir! We have to kill this target as soon as possible!”

Suddenly, Millie dropped her axe on the porch and held her stomach. She chuckled and walked over to the man.

“We could use a lunch break!”

Blitzo nodded and was all smiles as he crept up the stairs. He was a little hesitant, but he was pretty hungry too. Loona followed whilst texting. As for Moxxie, his jaw dropped open. He muttered a couple of curses before placing the cutlass back in the holster around his waist.
——
They all sat together on the table. The interior was pretty nice for a bachelor’s pad. Antiques decorated the dining room, with maroon and gold wallpaper covering the walls and a golden chandelier hanging from the ceiling. The man served a couple of amazingly seasoned steaks that he whipped up soon after his unexpected ‘guests’ arrived. Along with that, there were small plates of sliced peaches to go with dinner.

Blitzo was taking his time with the food, using his hands to tear the fat away and to eat steak. Loona tried chewing the meat all at once and was just chewing and swallowing all the way through, while her teeth was sunk deep into the steak. Millie was casually using the fork to cut the pieces up. Ironically, she did not find as much use for the knife as most people would, which was pretty uncharacteristic. Moxxie, much like the host, was properly eating the steak with a knife and fork, and unlike Blitzo, he wasn’t trying to talk with his mouth full.

Blitzo wiped his mouth with the napkin and broke the silence. “So, you’re Adam, right?”

The host finished chewing and swallowed a piece of steak. “Yessir. I assume it was an actress from p*rn Studios that sent you all here. Hell has a lot of vicious desire for vengeance”

They all gasped. Moxxie dropped his knife, while Loona dropped her steak onto the carpet.

Blitzo responded. “Wait wait wait, you know about Hell?”

Millie added. “You know an actress?”

Loona added with an unusually creepy smirk. “You know about p*rn Studios?”

They all looked at Loona like she just killed a baby.

“What!? You f*cking assholes left me one thing to add. One f*ckING thing! You know what, let this—-oh f*ck it I’m going back to eating.”

She groaned and chomped down the peaches.

Millie turned back to Adam.

“Sir, how do you know all this?”

He chuckled as he wiped his hands with the napkin.

“I have done extensive research towards the depths of Hell, and the Heaven skies. I’ve been in both places by accident.”

Moxxie interrupted. “Accident? How does one wound up in the two realms by accident? Explain yourself.”

He held up his finger. “I had an old flame who passed ten years ago. She used her powers to transport me to Heaven, and grew more desperate for my attention day by day. It got really unhealthy. I expressed my concern, and to make a long story short, she cursed her head off and was banished back to Hell, while I was taken with her. Luckily, Lucifer was a very understanding man, and he sent me up almost instantly, leaving my deceased wife in Hell. She actually reached out to me three weeks ago, and boasted about her job and her earnings in the underworld. She threatened my life, and I just shook it off. But now, I understand that her vengeance has stayed true.”

They all sat in shock by the sob story. Millie shed a tear and turned to Moxxie.

“*sniff* You wouldn’t do that to me, right Moxxie?”

He groaned as he put his hand on her shoulder.

“Millie, of course not. I love you. And I love how this man thinks he can JUST LIE TO US!”

The short-fuse imp got himself up on the table and stared down Adam. Before he can lunge at the man, Blitzo grabbed Moxxie by the leg and pulled him from the table. The weapons specialist was clawing left and right, trying to get a piece.

Moxxie fell off the table and landed awkwardly on his shoulder, causing Blitzo to abruptly let go and hold his hands up.

Millie sighed and Loona cackled as the fallen imp was slow to get up.

Adam finally got out of his chair and walked over to Moxxie.

“Are you alright there, gu—“

Moxxie shoved Adam away, along with his assistance. He looked like he was about to explode, but out of craziness, the imp chuckled. “Hehe, it’s fine. I’m all good now. See? Nothing to worry about.”

He limped over and left the dining room.

Adam wiped his forehead and sat back down on the dining table.

“Sorry about that, everyone. Anybody want refills on soda?”

They all shook their heads.

“No thank you, sir” said Millie.

“I’m watching my figure” said Loona.

“I need some liquor in my system.”

Adam chuckled, and walked back into the kitchen. He took a bottle of some kind from a cabinet and walked back into the dining room, putting it on the table.

Stroh Rum 160. Alcohol content of 80%

Blitzo smirked, and rubbed his hands together. Adam took two glasses and placed them on the table.

The imp was baffled. “Oh! You drink?”

Adam nodded as he unscrewed the rum bottle. “Yeah, the good stuff.”

Blitzo gave a thumbs up as he grabbed the opened bottle and proceeded to pour himself a drink. Adam tried reaching over, but Blitzo insisted on pouring the host’s drink as well. He poured his glass.

“Allow me.”

Adam grinned as he took the bottle in his hand, swirling it around. He lifted the glass

“Cheers to the final hour of my life.”

Blitzo snickered and clinked Adam’s glass. They both proceeded to drink, but while Adam was fixated on the alcohol…

...Blitzo looked right at him.

“Loona! Now!”

Adam spat out the drink. Suddenly, Loona swiftly raised from her seat, grabbed the chair, and slammed it over the host’s head, breaking it and leaving a bloody gash on his forehead.

He groaned as Millie stepped over him with the axe right at his neck.

Blitzo chugged down the rest of the drink with ease.

“You see, Adam, if there is one thing the I.M.P is well known for, it’s for detecting bullsh*t.”

Moxxie walked back into the dining room. He had a bloody blade and a couple of feathers to go along with it. Blitzo looked at him and held his arms out to embrace him, but Moxxie rejected the boss and passed him, walking towards Adam.

“You didn’t express any concern. You found your way to Heaven and framed your own wife for the murder of one skinned angel. The one sitting in your basem*nt, collecting bugs. You killed an entity of an outside realm.”

Millie gasped.

Adam gulped, as Moxxie continued on with his explanation.

“You ruined the afterlife of your wife, and why? Easy. You have no place in the skies once you die. You already sinned by drinking.”

Blitzo held up the bottle and tilted it side to side in front of Adam’s face.

“So you forced your wife down to Hell so you both wouldn’t get separated…”

Adam sighed. He was still trying to talk through the injury.

“You-you-you were spot on.”

Moxxie nodded with a toothy smirk. His fangs were shown within his sinister smile. He walked away.

Blitzo bent down to Adam and put down Millie’s axe. They shared a wink.

“I was gonna be nice since you treated us to such an amazing dinner...well you know what...how about we stick with it. You choose your death.”

Adam nodded desperately.

“Yes yes...just hand me a pistol and I’ll finish the rest…”

Blitzo stood back up and chuckled. He took out his spare pistol and offered it to Adam. The host gasped with happiness as he reached over for the weapon.

Then out of nowhere, Moxxie began shrieking and proceeded to cut off Adam’s arm with his cutlass.

The man shrieked in severe pain, and tried flopping away shortly after falling to his side.

Blitzo walked over to him and grabbed the man by his hair. The imp took out his pocket knife and shoved it right through the side of the neck.

Adam started to cough up a lot of blood. It was coming through his neck, his nose, and his mouth. The target made disturbing noises as he was choking like a dog.

After a couple more seconds of choking from his own blood, Adam finally stopped.

He was dead.

Millie sighed.

“I was really starting to like the fella…”

The Immediate Murder Professionals (Helluva Boss Fanfiction) - Chapter 2 - IAintGotIdeas (2024)

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